let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My balls are so social today.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
