I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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