"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
