I just made out with a guy for $7.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
