yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
