i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
