we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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