you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
