Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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