my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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