I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
40s are totally the cure
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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