K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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