Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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