im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
