My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
