I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
