I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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