There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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