I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
