just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
