is your mom at the bar?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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