I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
