Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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