i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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