STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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