my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
