Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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