I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
