I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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