weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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