Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
