the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
