i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
