Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
