I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
