no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
