new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You took a bar mat shot.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
