I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize