I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
