I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
