Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we're so committed to being not committed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
