Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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