I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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