he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
