Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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