I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
