Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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