honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
