i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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