so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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