I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Houston, we have a squirter
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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