Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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