i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i've created a new STD.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
