she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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