I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
