I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just gargled with NyQuil
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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