I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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