just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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