Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
