dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
