I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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