He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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