I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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