I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
