the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
