I am in a vortex of obligation.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
