I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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