just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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