The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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