i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
